Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Read the book

(I'm currently writing my opus.)

It's always been my dream to be a professional writer ever since I was a kid. But I just haven't been blessed with enough talent to make a go of it. With that said, I'm giving it one more shot. I'm 54,000 words into my memoirs. I should reach 80,000 by January. 80,000 words is the optimal length for a first time novelist.

I plan to revise the text during the month of February. You know, clean up the typos and some of the sloppy sentences. But I don't want to revise it too much. I want the final manuscript to be raw. After that, I'm going to publish my opus on Amazon. It will be out by March. I'm charging a dollar per download. If the book sells more than 10,000 copies, then I'll keep on writing. If not, I plan to break all my pencils.

I no longer want to blog. This might sound crazy, but I want to be recognized as an artist rather than a blogger. However, come back in March,--if you're interested--and I'll give you the details on how to purchase the book. Thanks for your support. And God bless everybody.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

I went on a roller coaster

(Tron almost killed me.)

Yesterday, I took my family to Disney Land in Shanghai. I bought season passes for the three of us. It came to seven hundred dollars. We can now go to the park every day until January 25th. This might save me money in the long run. We can visit every Saturday and spend the rest of the week hunkered in our humble abode.

Rice-Boy Larry wanted to try a roller coaster called Tron. It's based on the failed movie starring Jeff Bridges. Actually, there are two movies by that name, and neither of them made any money. The line was huge. It took two hours before we eventually mounted the ride. And mounted is the correct word. You have to crouch down and put your knees on the foot-pegs. Tron just about killed my ass. My body doesn't bend like it used to. Thankfully, it was over in a couple of minutes.

After the fireworks, we walked to The Cheesecake Factory. I had the fried shrimp and French fries. Meanwhile, Miz Perfect and Rice-Boy Larry ordered a huge chicken salad. We also drank three glasses of draft beer and one cup of Fanta orange soda. The bill came to 80 dollars. China is cheap if you stick to Chinese stuff. But once you go foreign, the bills start to increase dramatically.

We took a taxi back to our humble abode. I wanted to check the rat-traps, but I didn't have the balls. I keep reading about rodents and the diseases they carry. I'll be honest. I don't like living with these furry germ factories. It's screwing with my head.

I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. After that, I went to bed. I didn't dream. I woke up at 9 a.m. and called Ken the Atheist using FaceTime. He's doing OK, except he caught a nasty cold. Ken is now connected to WeChat. Everything in China is done over WeChat. You can even pay your bills with the ap. It's their version of Facebook.

Today, we are going back to Disney Land. I shall take Rice-Boy Larry on The Pirates of the Caribbean ride. It's nice and gentle. Miz Perfect can't handle the rough stuff.

Anyway, I've got nothing else to say. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Friday, October 6, 2017

I'm going to Disney Land

(I'm buying season passes for Disney Land in Shanghai.)

Yesterday, I took my family to a restaurant for dinner. We ate Brazilian barbecue. Waiters approached our table every couple of minutes to fill our plates with beef, lamb, and pork. The food was savory and succulent. It came to seventy dollars for three people--which is a bit pricey in my opinion. I washed the meal down with two huge glasses of draft beer. A good time was had by all.

We returned to our humble abode. My wife found a rat caught in a glue trap under our sink. The beast was dead by the time we discovered its carcass. Rodents are common in Shanghai. These animals scare the crap out of me because they carry all types of diseases which affect humans. You can even contract meningitis just by breathing in the fumes from their shit and urine. Scary stuff. Glue traps are inhumane, but I don't care. I'm not taking any chances with filthy vermin. All rats should die.

I watched the newest episode of American Horror Story. This season revolves around a cult comprised of fags, militant lesbians, and Donald Trump fans. They dress up as clowns and stab innocent victims with butcher knives. They also use a nail gun to dispatch the unworthy. I like the series very much.

I went to bed at 2 a.m. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees and did my best to get some shut eye. But I couldn't sleep. I don't like living with rats. I feel like I'm stuck in the Tower of London back in the Medieval period. Yuck.

I woke up at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news while enjoying a bathroom break. Hillary Clinton was recently on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Miley Cyrus cried in her arms. Miley is still upset that Big Don won the race. That crazy bitch needs to get over it.

Today, I'm buying season passes for Disney Land. We will soon take an Uber to the guest center. For three people, it comes to seven hundred dollars. I can go on any day up to January 25. After that, I have to buy more passes. That's almost four months of Disney joy. Yippeeee.

Anyway, I've got nothing left to tell you. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Stephen Paddock kills 59 people

(Stephen Paddock killed lots of people in Vegas.)

Yesterday, I took my family to dinner at a local hotel. We had shrimp, clams, banana bread, and fried rice. The meal was quite good. All the dishes--except for the bread--were very spicy. I'm into spice. The pain brings me joy. I washed the vittles down with two big bottles of Suntory beer. A good time was had by all.

I returned to my humble abode and watched the latest episode of The Exorcist. Season 2 is now underway. Satan is attacking a foster family. One of his demons has just possessed a little blind teenage boy. The problem with The Exorcist is that it's just too scary. A guy could literally shit his pants watching this show. It's the stuff of nightmares. Consequently, I'm giving it my highest recommendation.

I went to bed at 2 a.m. It's vacation time here in China, so I don't have to get up for work until next week. I said The Lord's Prayer before hitting the sack. I had a very difficult time falling asleep. I kept on thinking about The Exorcist. That program will definitely keep you on edge.

I woke up at 9 a.m. Rice-Boy Larry's friends kept ringing our doorbell. They invited him to come outside and play. Larry likes riding his skateboard.

I called Ken the Atheist. I asked him about school. He told me that he likes all his classes except for AP European history. Ken doesn't appreciate history or literature. He's more of a math and science guy. He's thinking about becoming a registered nurse in the future.

I made myself  a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news while enjoying a bathroom break. A man named Stephen Paddock killed 59 people in Las Vegas with several automatic weapons. It's the deadliest mass shooting in American history. Mr. Paddock has no digital footprint. Furthermore, he left no manifesto. His actions are clouded in mystery. Perhaps the devil made him do it.

The weather has cooled down. I'm no longer dying from heat exhaustion. Autumn in Shanghai is rainy and warm. My plans? I'd like to sit on my sofa and watch television. But I'm not sure if Miz Perfect will bend to my wishes.

Anyway, I've got nothing else to tell you. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, October 2, 2017

Eating in Puxi

(Japanese food is always too expensive.)

Yesterday, we took a taxi to Puxi and dined on the 46th floor of a skyscraper. The restaurant was an all-you-can-eat establishment specializing in Japanese food. It was quite pricey. Dinner for three came to 150 dollars. We had shabu-shabu, steak, and sashimi. I washed the vittles down with warm Saki and draft beer. A good time was had by all.

I called for a taxi using the Didi application on my smart phone. None came, so I started complaining.

Rice-Boy Larry said, "Fruit you, Dad."

"Fruit me?"

I was offended and hurt. I never used that kind of language on my father. He would have knocked my teeth out. I smacked Larry on the arm.

I said, "Don't you ever say that again."

He said, "Fruit you."

I smacked him on the arm again.

Miz Perfect turned her angry face toward me. "We reaving. You da asshole."

"I'm the asshole? He just used the f-word on me."

They both stormed off. So I was in the middle of downtown Shanghai by my lonesome. I sat on a bench. The first thing that I wanted to do was buy a pack of cigarettes. I haven't smoked in years, but I still have the urge.

Then my wife returned. "We back. But you betta stop acting rike da asshole."

We returned to our humble abode. I was in bed by eleven. I slept like the dead. I woke up at 8 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. After that, I enjoyed a bathroom break while reading the news. A female teacher got arrested for playing with a student's genitals. She thought the kid was depressed and wanted to cheer him up. The boy was only eleven-years-old. She'll be spending the next five years in jail for her actions.

I went downstairs and watched television. I don't have to work this week. All of China is off. It's Chinese 4th of July. I'm currently viewing a program called Tin Star. It's about an alcoholic police chief in Canada. I'm really loving the show.

Anyway, I've got nothing left to tell you. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Eating and drinking in Shanghai

(NFL snowflakes are making me tired.)

Yesterday, I took my family to a restaurant for dinner. We had sweet and sour pork, and kung pow chicken. We also ate a big plate of fried rice and a bowl of shredded potatoes. The food was delicious. In Shanghai, you can get good meals at reasonable prices. I washed the vittles down with two big bottles of Tsingtao beer. A wonderful time was had by all.

We then went to a local coffee shop. Rice-Boy Larry enjoyed a mango smoothie while I sipped on a very strong Long Island Ice Tea. I'm not exactly sure what's in a Long Island Ice Tea, but it will tie a knot in your ass. Several of my co-workers were at the same establishment. They opted for the mint mojito.

I returned to my apartment and watched the game between the Packers and the Bears. Green Bay really kicked some bootie. They won by the final score of 35 to 14. Aaron Rogers is a great quarterback. With that said, he's also a liberal stooge. I'm getting tired of watching these pampered athletes making everything political. Don't get me wrong. They have a right to believe what they wish. But I might turn my attention to the college games. I need a snowflake break.

I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. After all, I'm not some dirty pagan. Then I went to bed. The time was 2 a.m. when I finally crawled between the sheets. I dreamt about a porn star with blonde hair. She defecated in front of a large group of men. Her feces landed on a dinner plate.

I said, "What are you doing?"

She said, "First I shit, and then I fornicate. That's the way they like it."

I said, "Oh."

I woke up at eight a.m. and called Ken the Atheist using FaceTime. He's been volunteering at Habitat For Humanity in hopes of getting a paying gig. But the woman in charge of the center hasn't budged. She still wants more free labor. So Ken told her nicely to stick it up her ass. I don't blame him. Lincoln freed the slaves.

I drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I enjoyed a bathroom break while reading the news. A satanic church in Massachusetts wants to force Christian bakers to make cakes honoring the prince of darkness. What can I say? It's 2017. I don't even bat an eye at this crap anymore.

I pretty much took off the month of September when it came to blogging. Moving to a new city has been taxing. I find that I'm often exhausted. With that said, I like writing this garbage. So activity should pick up in the near future.

Anyway, God bless and see you soon.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Saturday at home

(I haven't done a damn thing all day.)

Yesterday, I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of coffee. Then I surfed the internet while enjoying a bathroom break. A guy from Texas went crazy after his wife filed for divorce. He took a gun, went to her house, and slaughtered everybody at a dinner party she was hosting. Nine people died during the attack.

I called Ken the Atheist using FaceTime.

I said, "How's life?"

He said, "Not much is happening."

I said, "How are classes going?"

He said, "They're OK. I'm getting an A in algebra II."

I said, "Wow, that's wonderful."

I walked Rice-Boy Larry to school. We live very close to a huge factory. There are Chinese people dressed in pink jackets who walk up and down the street at all hours of the day and night. They're either coming from or going to work. The factory never closes. It chugs away twenty-four hours a day.

Larry said, "It's so hot."

Weather in Shanghai is brutal. By the time the boy got to school, he was covered from head to foot in a glaze of sweat. His skin was so shiny and brown that he resembled a Christmas turkey.

I said, "You look delicious."

He said, "You're stupid."

Miz Perfect made beef and French fries for dinner. The meal was wonderful--especially the fries. They were hot and crisp and salty. I washed the vittles down with a big bottle of Suntory beer. Beer is very cheap in China. A guy can become an alcoholic at a reasonable price.

Miz Perfect said, "I find Rarry a tutor. She come next week."

I said, "OK."

"She charge 150 rmb for da hour. It expensive."

"Don't tell me. I don't want to know."

I prayed to God at eleven p.m. After that, I went to bed. I didn't dream. I slept for ten hours. I must have been beat. I've been suffering from terrible allergies lately.

It's now Saturday afternoon. I haven't done a damn thing all day. I'm just sitting on my sofa writing this stupid blog. I've decided to post ten entries per month. That seems like a good round number.

God bless.